Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
my liver is dry heaving
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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