I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize