she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this will be a night to untag.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
