I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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