remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
