at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
