i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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