I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
