My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
