He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
