Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
