Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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