Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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