I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
we're so committed to being not committed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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