Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
