True but thats because hes a fetus.
i think my mom watched the whole time
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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