"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
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I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Every concussion has its silver lining
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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