did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize