I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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