i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
