Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
