Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just want to make out with him forever
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
