hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
