I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
