so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
