No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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