i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Umm I'm too high to move.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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