I'm drive I can fine osifer
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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