There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
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No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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