my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
