I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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