I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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