With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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