Where did you get a picture of my penis
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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