I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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