I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
