I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
