god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
