you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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