It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
