we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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