If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
