Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
