your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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