at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
