Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
