I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Four minutes until I can fart!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
