I could make wine with my vomit
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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