She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
