I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
