just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
