Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
