i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i would punch a child for taco bell
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
