PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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