wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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