not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
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Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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