Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I touched a dick in church today
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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