i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
