Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize