My room smells like vodka and shame
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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