Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
