I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
